Tell her she can't have a vagina
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
