I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Randomize
