If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
