I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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