We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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