i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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