p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
