i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
