you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
