Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's Friday. Sex?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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