so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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