I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i drank out of a bidet.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
