How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
