I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you had me at cake vodka
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
