you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize