oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hippo gnu deer
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
