I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
