my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is my gift to your gina
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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