YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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