i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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