I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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