well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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