I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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