this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
