If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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