is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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