You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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