my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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