Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
