i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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