shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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