Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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