We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dear god my vagina.
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