Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
