New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize