pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
