I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
