Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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