Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
