i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
