the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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