I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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