so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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