im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
