I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
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