Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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