see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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