Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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