Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my being single is dangerous.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
