Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
