I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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