Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
