My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i think i just lost a toe
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
