Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
