that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
