Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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