I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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