Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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