My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
