I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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