Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
