I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
