YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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