She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
cat food counts as protein by the way
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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