I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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