Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
