I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
